Before you start reading this post, I want to warn you. I am going to be talking about a rather controversial topic. We whisper about this topic among ourselves, we talk about it in the privacy of our own homes, but when it comes to publicly taking a stand for it, we shy away.
The controversial topic that I want to talk about is this; Women, can be each other’s worst enemy!
There it is. I said it! Now, if this statement annoys and offends you and makes your blood boil, stop right here; breath deep, go do something that makes you happy. Because what I stand for is not for you. And that is absolutely okay.
But if you find yourself nodding and agreeing deep in your heart with what I just wrote, keep reading. If you are a woman who celebrates other woman and believe that we can rise while rising others with us, keep reading. If you are a woman who dims her light because others cannot handle your light, keep reading. If you are a woman who has acquired success in life and all of a sudden you find yourself surrounded by well-meaning friends who are criticizing every move you make … keep reading.
Why did I decide to talk about this? Because I have been pretty disturbed about a few things lately and have been having a long drawn out conversation in my head about this for a few weeks. Finally, I said enough is enough, decided to put it into words and release it to the Universe. I think it is high time I rock a boat or two and create a splash! 😊
You see, two women, who are very near and dear to my heart have been politely bullied in the most devious way only we women can do to each other. I, myself, have been bullied and what I stand for was questioned because I took a stand and said “No” to a dear friend about something, or at least I thought she was a dear friend.
So, if you are a woman who has been working really hard to create the personal and professional life you wanted to live and all of a sudden you find yourself being attacked and criticized over the silliest things like – a single strand of hair was out of place when you were being interviewed, or your make up was not “just” right at that photo shoot, or the color of shirt you have been wearing is not all that complimentary to your skin, or you looked 0.3 lbs. heavy on that TV interview, this post is for you.
Or if you are the woman who was told you are offending others because you want to keep growing your business, and you were “stoned” as a money hungry bitch because you want to create wealth for yourself as a woman; this post is for you.
If you are the woman who changed your mind in the middle of something and became the “woman” who betrayed others because you should have consulted the women around you before you proceed, this post is for you.
Have you experienced any of the above? Have you been spending nights and days feeling alone and rejected; shedding tears that no one sees and lying awake at night looking at the ceiling wondering what just happened?
If this is you, I want you to STOP! Stop agonizing, stop being anxious and stop dimming your light so others feel better about themselves by putting you down because you created something they want.
STOP! For everything sacred and holy STOP!
Stop letting the nay-sayers and the critics hijack your mind, heart and soul. They have no idea what went into your success they see today. They don’t know the sacrifices you made; the blood, sweat, tears you shed; the sleepless nights spent wondering if you can go on one more minute or one more day. They don’t know your “seemingly” overnight success was the fruit of days, months and years spent investing everything you got to create the life you are now living. I want you to STOP and I want you to ponder the proverb below …
Always the trees that bear fruit are stoned. – Turkish proverb
Those who didn’t even noticed you as you were standing tall, growing your roots, reaching up to the sky, spreading your branches to get ready to bear that fruit, are noticing you now, because they want the fruit.
When I was growing up, if my mother saw me dimming my light because my friends were feeling bad about what I was creating, she would say one thing – “Always the trees that bear fruit are stoned. You must be doing something right!” Even if I forget this, I always find my way back to it. So I want to you to remember…” Always the trees that bear fruit are stoned.”
If you resonate what I’ve written so far, I have only one-piece advice for you.
If you are surrounded by woman friends who are not happy because you created the life you desire to live; or they are very happy for you but finding “little things” to criticize so that you feel insecure and dim your light; it is high time you find yourself new girlfriends. Surround yourself with strong women who are not afraid to reach the heights their hearts desire while raising others up with them; women who are not afraid or threatened by your success because they are too busy reaching for their own stars.
What I see and observe today is that the “mean girl” concept doesn’t end when you walk out of high school! It seems to show up at every age, and every stage of a woman’s life. It shows up as the slight little jabs about very inconsequential things; as the advice you didn’t ask for about things that don’t even matter; or as being coached without asking your permission.
We, women, cannot continue be each other’s worst enemies. Every time we put a woman down because she doesn’t meet our personal standards, values, or what we stand for, or bullying her for not being just “like us” we are hurting ourselves.
Remember, empowering all girls and women to reach their full potential benefits all of us. Celebrating women and their success benefits all of us. We cannot continue to hold each other down. Wanting or forcing other women to succeed only to our own comfort level is unacceptable.
Remember, true friends celebrate each other! That is what “women’s sisterhood” and “tribe” is all about.
And goodness knows every woman needs a tribe who helps her stand tall in who she is and in her success without asking her to compromise herself by the very women who should be elevating her.
I say, “Enough is Enough”! It is high time we stop bullying each other, putting each other down and belittling a woman’s accomplishments and achievements, because we wished we had what she has; or because she does not fit into our personal idea of what a successful woman should look like or behave like.
And for those of you who are busy bearing fruit, keep bearing fruit. If you are getting rocks thrown at you, know that you are doing something right!
If you are still reading this post, you are my tribe; a tribe of women who creates the space for everyone to shine brilliantly and reach for their own stars. Let’s help each other rise! Let’s rock the boat! Let’s make a splash!
And if you wished you were rocking a boat or two; creating a splash but kind of “shy” about it, click here to make an appointment with me. Let’s talk about how we can move you to a level of leadership in your life that you lead fearlessly without dimming your light for anyone!
This is your day! Lead Fearlessly,
Do you like podcasts? You might be interested in listening Mary Strachan‘s B is for Brilliant Podcast. I was her guest and it was a powerful interview about fear and taking risks; how they go hand in hand. We also talked about how “thirst” for knowledge and learning can be a deterrent if it is not channeled wisely. As you listen, I would love for you to think about if fear of risk taking gets in the way of your dreams or if you stop yourself from moving forward because you “just must learn one more thing before…” just like I used to do. You can listen to the interview by clicking here.